I AM...

As the new year starts, I am looking back at all I’ve done and also looking forward to what the year brings.

I have been thinking a lot about Self Concept beliefs. Self Concepts beliefs are beliefs about the self that were made many times preverbal or at very young ages about who we are.

What do I believe about myself? I am a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, I am comfortable with my gender, I am comfortable with my sexuality, I am a wife, a mother, a friend, and aunt, I am disorganized, I thrive on chaos and love order. I am scared to talk to people but love meeting interesting people. I am a colorist, I am artistic. I am goofy. I am introverted. One I have a tough time confronting: I believe that I make good art, but not good enough to be seen by others. Others are better than me.

What new thing can I believe about myself? What new belief do I want to add? Can I have control over those thoughts?

Last year, I claimed the I AM AN ARTIST belief. I really took it on. I said a statement every morning: I AM A SUCCESSFUL ARTIST . AM INSPIRED AND INSPIRNG. I had to believe it before others could.

To make the #iamCOLOR series, I had to commit. Commit time, money and my self to being an artist. When quarantine started, my husband was put on furlough. We made a shift in my responsibilities so that I could spend more time as an artist. I looked at my studio space and recreated it into a space that invited me to work. I invested in a program with Public Image Works and developed my idea of a series as the first piece was being created. The program had me work from a vantage of the series being complete, and engaging people with the ideas. This was a huge leap of faith, not just in myself but also in valuing my ideas.

The neat thing about challenges is that as I take on each one, beliefs about myself or my beliefs about the world are confronted.

I had to take on the idea that I don’t fit in. That there are already so many artists in the world… and my ideas are valuable. I had to take on organizing my website so that people could see my art and how it relates to my ideas - which meant I had to be clear about my ideas. I had to claim my space in my house, my community and the world. I had to confront the idea of money and that it is not a motivator with my work. It helps others value my work, but it is not how I value my own work. As an Artist (with a captiol A), I value intuition. I value time. I value following the muse. I value ideas and people. I value the exchange of ideas.

This year, I want to claim I AM A TEACHER. Its scary as all heck to write. I have been very critical of teachers in the past. I am wary of many people that claim they are teachers. To be a teacher is to say I know something and I can teach YOU. That’s great for a basic class. The really good teachers I have had asked questions. And those teachers created a space to explore the answers for myself. That is the teacher I want to be.

So… going forward: Do you have a belief about yourself you want to explore? Either to build up or tear away? It is worth finding the courage to claim it, I promise.