In thinking about this year, one thing I am most proud of is that I stitch for at least 1 hour every day.
Gaining this discipline came from a totally non art related experience.
At the start of pandemic, I allowed myself to join an online exercise program.
To be honest, I didn't care much about the exercise bit. What I wanted is to get closer to the founder of the program. She was at a retreat I had gone to years ago. I had quietly stalked her since then. Her life was the opposite of mine. Now she had an online exercise program. My gut said try it and my gut needed some trimming. It was a risk because my partner had lost his job and we were on a tight budget. The risk was investing in myself and to be willing to sacrifice for that when there might not be enough at the end of the month. The risk was worth it.
One element of the program is habits. Each month we get to pick one habit ourselves and each month the leader picks one for the community.
My own habits had to do with stitching - developing my studio practice and business practices. I was't the best at doing it every day, but I kept trying.
The leader's habits were different. We drank lemon water, ate a vegan meal once a day, danced for 10 minutes a day. I also wasn't consistent with these, but they were fun and I tried.
The one that broke something inside me was a cold shower every day. That one was tough. And I did it every day.
After that month, I was able to stitch every day for one hour. Most days I do more, but the minimum is one hour.
I think those cold showers changed how I deal with resistance. I find it challenging to stop my life - being a mom, a pet owner, a wife, and an employee for my dad. Those are things where other people see my value.
Working on my own work - my own ideas - is how I value myself. It is really scary to claim the time, space and money for a vision only I have. It is scary to acknowledge that the vision I have is worth investing in.
It takes faith to work on a big goal a little bit every day. That is a lot of days of trusting in the process. Of sitting down with a needle, yard and scissors and committing to the project, committing to the vision, and knowing that the process is bigger than myself.
I can see how I avoid - for me its lists. I make a grand list, and work on checking it off. At the end of the day, there may be a lot of crossed off items, but I have not done what I needed for me. I know I need to time and a place where i don't know what I will do, how I'll do it, and be okay with the real possibility it may have to be cut out tomorrow.
Creating through stitching is meaningful work for me. It is sitting down like my grandmother, and women before me. It is sitting with Arachne, the mythical weaver and honoring her. It is sitting and opening up to the universe.
And it is the hardest to show up to because I have the most to lose.
And now, each day I do that. I try to do it before noon. Sometimes, I don't get to it until after dinner. But I do it.
How does your resistance show up? What is the resistance protecting?
note: the exercise program is called INTESATI by Patricia Moreno